Friends

We have entered into a new phase of life. This phase is called "having friends". Not friends for us, friends for the kids. Our kids have had friends for a long time, but it's been more of the babysitting, nursery, primary, library friends. Now Rachel has "Mom-can-I-play-at-so-and-so's-house-friends". Weird. My baby is growing up. The phrase I used so much in my childhood, "Can you play?" has become a part of her language. She has a couple of friends on the block and they come here to play or she goes there - - - and it has really thrown me for a loop. Not a bad loop, but a loop none the less.

It's like we've had to kick the parenting game up a notch. How long do you let your kids "play" at a friend's house? Am I the type of mother who other mothers feel safe letting watch their kids (because I don't care what you say - if they are playing at YOUR house YOU are ultimately responsible for what happens and you instantly grow an extra set of cautious ears when there are more little lives to look after.) Do others feel safe and feel the spirit in my home? Are my actions consistent with the teachings of the gospel?

Paul was watching the All-Star baseball game on TV downstairs and the kids and their friends came down to watch too. I instantly thought, "would their parents let them watch this?" Silly - I know - it's baseball! Chill out! But seriously, I felt the burden of the need to not only implement OUR family rules, but the family rules of the OTHER kids family too! I don't want to undo anything their parents have worked hard to teach them at home. Do their parents let them snack? Do their parents let them play in the front yard or just the back? What is considered appropriate behavior in THEIR home? Are MY kids bad habits going to rub off on THEIR kids and vice versa?

So then you start thinking about the kids in general - are they the type of kids I want my kids hanging out with? Then the whole agency thing comes into play. Then I bring myself back to reality and say, "Calm down. They're 3 years old. There really aren't "bad friends" and "good friends" at this point (at least none that we know) and this is the time where you can really influence them for good. Teach them HOW to be good friends and their friends will follow suit. Smoking and drinking are not on their radar. Sharing and hitting are. So you referee, watch from a distance, let them figure things out, and jump in to call a foul and pull a yellow card when you need to.

Then you stand back and let them play the game.