List of 9 #6 - I will be more HONEST with MYSELF.

During my stint in nursing school I had an assignment to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting as part of my public health class.

It was there that I learned how empowering being honest with yourself can be.

You all know the standard phrase spoken at these meetings. "Hello, I'm ____ and I'm an alcoholic." This phrase has been the punchline of many jokes at many nightclubs and so I didn't think anything of it. It seemed to just be the thing you have to say in order to attend the meeting - it didn't hold much meaning for me. I even chuckled a little at the thought of being there and seeing it in person.

Then I went and saw.

"Hello,...my name is Jeff....and um....I'm an alcoholic."

The man was very sincere. It was as if admitting that was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. He was finally being honest with himself. And as hard as it was, and as much as I could feel his heart breaking into a million pieces with that self affirmation - it was empowering. It was like pulling a huge splinter out of a sore tender wound. It's the hardest part but you can't fix the problem until it's done.

If being HONEST with yourself can bring that kind of empowerment and relief and HELP to someone who struggles with alcoholism, imagine what it can do for everyone!

So this year I am going to work on being more honest with myself. Here we go:

Q-Am I late to meetings and church and work because of my husband and kids?

A-NO. I am late because I seriously lack a good healthy CONCEPT OF TIME. I still think it only takes me 30-45 minutes to get ready for the day - get real it took me that long when I was SINGLE. NOW I HAVE 2 KIDS! DO THE MATH!!

Every time I am late I make someone else wait. I make others feel like my time is more important than theirs. I disrupt whatever is going on and make other's schedules revolve around mine. I need to stop trying to do "just one more thing" or pack "just one more book" or call "just one more person" before appointments. AND I need to GET REAL. I can't be everywhere doing EVERYTHING. I need to learn to say "No" instead of trying to pretend I'm super woman with the ability to transport myself and my family to Salt Lake in an hour (that "I'm sorry" is for you, Mom).

Q-Is my house always messy because of my kids?

A- NO. I am not a very organized person myself so when I only have myself to worry about it's still an issue. Having kids has made it a BIGGER issue but it's because I don't give them enough credit. My kids are PERFECTLY CAPABLE of helping with chores. Sure they are too young to do the laundry but they CAN put their clothes into baskets. They CAN pick up their toys. They CAN carry their dishes to the sink. I just need to work harder at disciplining them - AND MYSELF - to learn these behaviors.

Being honest hurts. But it's how you get to the root of the problem so you can start fixing it. As I was struggling with discouragement at all of these "honesty moments" my sweet husband gave me this quote (how he comes up with this stuff I will never know).

"We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil’s dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, remembering that when conscience calls to us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon." -Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign Nov.1976

Heavenly Father is beckoning to me - recognizing my potential and showing me what I can really achieve if I so choose. He sent HIS SON to be the PERFECT PHYSICIAN to help extract my painful imperfections and replace them with HIMSELF. I will think of that next time I take the sacrament.

This is very liberating. Okay one more.

Q-Do I let my son do this because I want him to express his artistic creativity or because I want a cute picture for my blog?

A-I plead the 5th.

note: Don't worry - it's non-toxic. Gotta love Crayola.

List of 9 #5 - Grow where you're planted

I recall a story my mom shared often with us growing up. It was one of those "gems" - a story with a moral or lesson she hoped would impact us and shape our lives. My mom is full of wisdom like that - if you don't believe me go here or here.


Heber C. Kimball lived with the other early saints in Nauvoo, Illinois. He and his family lived in a small log cabin and worked very hard to build themselves a beautiful brick home which still stands today. Kimball and his family felt the persecution against the saints grow, but they finished their home just the same. They only lived in that home for 5 months before they were forced to abandon everything and move west. This example has taught me an important lesson to grow where you're planted. You never know what the Lord has in store for you, but instead of "flying under the radar" and not committing to anything, you dig your roots in and do the best you can as if you'll be there forever.


I can honestly say that every place I have lived in I have tried to keep that mindset - I really try to build the brick home KNOWING that I'll only live in it a few months. But that's the problem. I can handle ANY situation for a few months. Any home (I've lived in some DOOZIES), any calling, any job. It's kind of cheating in a way - because I'm good at throwing my whole heart into something I can see an end to.

That's where I'm stuck. We have lived in this house, in this neighborhood, in this ward longer than I've lived anywhere since I graduated high school. A few months ago I started getting an itch to move. I don't know why - we are perfectly happy here. But I was itching and I even found myself perusing the newspaper's housing section. CRAZY. That's when I realized that for the last 10 years of my life every time I start feeling this itch - we move. We were missionaries, students, basement trolls, renters - - transients! Moving was part of the package.

This time we're not moving.

This time it's not about "getting out" of situations by moving - it's about "getting THROUGH" them. It's about learning "staying power". I love what President Uchtdorf said in the last General Conference,

"Brothers and sisters, we have to stay with it. We don’t acquire eternal life in a sprint—this is a race of endurance. We have to apply and reapply the divine gospel principles. Day after day we need to make them part of our normal life.

Normal life. Moving 15 times in the last 10 years is not normal. Which is why living in the house we are in now for 2 years this June doesn't feel normal to me either. For the last 10 years I have been sprinting. Sprinting from one home, one calling, one job - to the next. Now is my time to learn endurance. Now is my time to apply and then reapply and reapply gospel principles in my life.

Now is my time to Grow where I'm planted.

List of 9 #4 - I will take more time to stop and smell the...TULIPS?!

Today we went to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point. I've gotta hand it to the Dutch...

They KNOW BEAUTIFUL.

Ben proceeded to touch EVERYTHING.

It was the most BEAUTIFUL day! Bring on the spring!


This year I am going to make more room in my life for beauty. Whether it's bringing home flowers from the grocery store once in a while, to planting my own flowers in the yard - I'm not going to rush through another spring and summer with the, "Well there's always next year" attitude. There is something about being around Heavenly Father's creations that brings you closer to Him. One of my favorite thoughts from former Young Women General President, Sharon Larsen, is, “Perhaps one reason we feel close to God in nature is because that is the only part of His creation that obeys Him perfectly.”

This year I will strive to obey more perfectly - and enjoy more tulips.

List of 9 #3- This year I will PLAY more.

From Candy Land and Memory, to hide and seek, to more trips to the park - this year I am going to enjoy the stage of life my kids are in and take more time to PLAY.

Play is such an important part of a child's development - but it's also such an important part of a parent's well being too. When you see your kids playing together it's hard not to stop what your doing every time and grab the camera. Seeing Ben and Rachel play happily together fills my emotional tank and gives me energy to keep moving forward.

The other day they were playing hide and seek. The dialogue went as follows,

Rachel: Okay Ben you count and I'll hide!

Ben: Oooo ide! (you hide)

Rachel: Okay GO! (takes off running)

Ben chased after her and followed her into her favorite hiding spot - the shower.

Rachel: No Ben YOU are supposed to count! OK I'll count and YOU hide!

Ben: Ooo ide! (you hide)

Rachel covered her eyes and started counting. "One!"

Ben covered his eyes and yelled "Doo!" (two)

I sat on the couch and tried to hide my laughter - because as soon as they know you're watching it all stops. After a few rounds of two seekers and no hiders and vice versa Ben finally caught on - and boy oh boy he became a PRO! As soon as the word "ONE" was out of Rachel's mouth Ben was GONZO. He took off as fast as his little legs would take him and he would find the GREATEST HIDING PLACES! Under the desk behind the chair, in the shower, behind the couch - once he even hid in the closet in the spare bedroom downstairs! Where does this kid FIND these places! He's only 18 months old! The other day I heard Rachel trying to discipline Ben - "Ben you give me that right now - ONE...TWO..." He took off running and hid himself in the tupperware cupboard! Life is one big game to him right now - and I love it.

Yesterday my sibs-in-law, Leece and Aaron, and I took the kiddies to the park. Can there be a better place for a couple of kids than the park? We pushed them on the swings till our arms fell off and then ventured to the slides. This kind of play has helped my kids to overcome fear. Rachel went on the BIG KID slide - and although the first run left her shaking like a leaf, the runs that ensued brought thrilling feelings of excitement and speed and PRIDE - SHE IS OFFICIALLY A BIG KID. Ben was also afraid at first and didn't like the swings - but we started out slow and by the end of the day we were pushing him higher than Rachel. Do you remember that? Do you remember being little and trying something new for the first time and being so scared? Like your first time down the big water slide, or your first time riding the Colossus at Lagoon. You were scared to death the first go - but when you finished the ride and realized that you not only survived it but actually ENJOYED IT - it was like you graduated your infant stage and a whole new world of excitement and possibility opened up to you. "If I can enjoy THIS water slide - imagine how much fun THAT one will be!"

Watching my kids play makes me happy. It's one of the "little things" that lift me up and remind me why I made the decision to become a parent in the first place. Watching them conquer their fears helps me to conquer my own. Conquering fear is a good thing to do when you're 29.

So is playing.

List of 9 #2 - I will take more time to recognize and enjoy fine art

Even if the medium is ball point pen on skin...and brand new birthday scriptures...

*sigh*

Paul:"Just draw an arrow pointing to the scribble with the words, "Ben age 18 mo." next to it - you'll laugh about it someday!"

Thanks for the eternal perspective Hon!

My List of 9 - #1 a.k.a. My New Hobby

Paul: "What do you want to do for your birthday?"

Me: "*sigh* I really don't know."

Paul: "Well do you want me to take you out to dinner? Do you want to go for a drive? Do you want to go to a movie?"

Me: "Not really. I really don't feel like going out - but I don't just want to sit around here either."

Then it happened. I had an epiphany. Lightning struck my brain (name that movie). And I said, "Actually here is EXACTLY what I want. I want YOU to take the kids, go to the store to pick out a cake - I don't care what kind as long as it isn't rainbow with disgusting frosting - and I want YOU to pick up Chinese take-out while I take a LONG.QUIET.HOT.BUBBLE BATH."

Yessiree that is what I wanted. It was really ALL I wanted. Peace and quiet IN MY HOUSE for 30 minutes.

And thanks to the Gardners for the sleep bubble bath and sugar scrub from bath and body works - that is EXACTLY WHAT I GOT. TOTAL BLISS.

And so it begins - my 29th year. And so begins my new love. My new thing to look forward to. My new "golf". My new hobby. BUBBLE BATHS. This year I am going to devote more time to me in hopes to have an emotional well that can more readily be drawn from for my family.

A few of you mentioned you were in the same boat as I am with trying to figure out what to do with "me time". I'm telling you - this is it. But your hubby has to take the kids out of the house. It really isn't the same to relax in a hot bath during the kids nap time unless you have perfect children who take naps at the same time as each other without waking each other up. There is a certain quietness and solitude that can only exist when EVERYONE IS GONE.

So this year - when my sweet husband comes home and says, "Hon why don't you get out of the house for a little while and I'll take care of the kids" I'm going to say, "I have a better idea, why don't you and the kids head out for a while and I'll stay home in TOTAL.PEACE.AND.QUIET."

29

If I was turning 23 I'd probably write down 23 reasons I love my life. If I was turning 24 I'd make a list of 24 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25. And if I was turning 25 I'd blog about all of the twists and turns life had taken me on in the last 25 years. But I'm not turning any of those. I'm not even turning 26, 27, or 28. Today I turned 29. 29. 29. That just sounds old. No it doesn't just sound old - it sounds boring. What do you DO when you turn 29? The tag line when people turn 16 is, "Hey! Gettin' that drivers license! Everyone stay off the sidewalks!" Hardee har har. When people turn 18 it's, "Hey you can VOTE now!" hooray for me. When it's 21 you're "legal" when it's 25 you're "established" but when it's 29?

"Yeah I just turned 29 today."
"Wow PUSHIN' 30 HUH?"

yep. pushin' 30.

I don't feel 30. I don't even feel 29. Well maybe my body does. My mother-in-law asked me on Sunday if I really was turning 29. No one believed me. I actually had to sit and think about it for a minute myself, "let me think...born in 1980, this year is 2009...YEP turning 29."

Maybe it's because I feel like I should have life more figured out than I do. I can't pull the "rookie" card anymore. I feel a little jipped because I thought becoming an adult was supposed to bring with it an infusion of magical hormones similar to when you hit puberty. But instead of changing your body it would change your brain and make things like paying bills on time and keeping your house clean a snap. "Discipline Hormones" or "Grown-up Hormones". Then people could just give you a pat on the back when you were struggling and say, "Don't worry - you're just a late bloomer! You'll hit grown-up puberty soon enough!" And instead of saying, "When you hit puberty we'll have to lock the doors to keep the boys away!" They'll say, "When you hit grown-up puberty we'll have to lock the doors to keep out Martha Stewart, Merry Maids, Betty Crocker, and Super Nanny from wanting to steal all of your successful secrets!"

Well truth be told - when I hit puberty in high school (and I was a LATE BLOOMER) I didn't have any boys knocking my door down.

And today - turning 29 - I don't think I'll see Martha Stewart either.

Since I don't have any inkling of "Grown-up super hormone" surging through my body to make me do amazing things I'll have to head back to the drawing board. I'll make a list. This list is a 2 part list. Birthday candle style. Since I don't want to make a list of 29 things - I'm making a list of 2 and 9. 2 things I hate about being 29, and 9 things I love about it- or hope to love about it in the next year.

Things I hate

1-Insomnia.
In high school I could sleep any time - any where. Unfortunately between getting up in the night with the kids, sleeping with one eye and two ears open all night, and working a grave yard shift once a week at the hospital - my sleep pattern is indefinately screwed up. Even on good nights - the kids sleep soundly, Paul doesn't snore, I don't have to work - I still wake up in the middle of the night and it takes me at least an hour to get back to sleep. Yet I don't dare take a sleeping pill because what if the kids DO wake up and I don't hear them. *sigh*
2-Sagginess.
Sags sags sags. Sags under the eyes. Sags under the chin. Relief society sags under the arms. A saggy deriere. Bearing children makes you saggy. Period.

Things I love and will look forward to.

Hmmmmmm. Thinking.....

I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Ode to Geebs

Dear FAB 8,

This is how I feel after every FAB 8 Golf Tournament. This year let's have a BBQ with the whole crew.



Affectionately Yours,
Nat

My Hobby?...

Have you ever been asked what your hobbies and interests are? I'm sure you have - in a job interview, in a relief society questionnaire, in a blog tag... I've been asked this question plenty of times.

My answers were different when I was in high school and college than they are now. In fact I don't even KNOW what my hobbies are now! Does changing diapers or doing dishes count? In high school and college my answers ranged from hiking and rappelling, to swimming and biking, to going to movies and being with friends.

Now? Hmmm...thinking....I have NO IDEA. Honestly. There have been periods in the last couple of years when I have really resented not having a past time. Paul will go golfing with the guys - which I love and totally support him in by the way - but then he'll come home and say something like, "Hey why don't you go get lost for a couple of hours and have some YOU time." Me time? What do I do with that? I mean don't get me wrong - I would LOVE to have some me time - but wandering around Wal-Mart for 2 hours isn't my idea of a hobby. Plus when the house is a disaster, the kids are screaming, I have a Young Women's lesson or a mutual activity to plan, or a million-and-a-half other things on the list of "to-do's" to accomplish I just can't justify "Me Time".

Then my sweet husband sent this quote to me today:

"Sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don't allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it." - M. Russell Ballard

Maybe I resent the fact that I really can't do all the things I did in high school anymore. I'm out of shape, out of energy, and not really willing to take the risks that I did when I was younger. I constantly think to myself, "how will this activity I'm doing today affect me tomorrow?" I can't afford to be laid up for weeks because I broke my legs trying to ski black diamonds, (just so you know I have NEVER been able to ski a black diamond - right Amy M.?) Maybe in that resentment I just resign myself to the fact that my "hobby" is my family. WHICH IT IS! Every spare moment is spent with my kids. Every bit of free time from the kids is spent with my husband. Every moment I have to clear my head - it fills right back up with thoughts of my family. I love it. It's what I want. They aren't just IN my life - they ARE my life and I wouldn't want it any other way. But after reading that quote - and having a few break-down's here and there over the past couple of years - I realize that it's unhealthy to be consumed like this. I need to refill the tank. I need balance. I need ME time. I just don't know what the heck to do with it.

So now I'm looking for help. What do YOU do with your "ME" time? It needs to be safe, inexpensive, and manageable - I'm in no position to train for a triathlon people. ANY IDEAS?!!!

Aunt Rosemary

My Aunt Rosemary is one of a kind. If you don't have an Aunt Rosemary you should get one. Here's why:

• She loves parties. She holds "family gathering" at her house every Sunday. Family gathering has been a tradition in my family for generations. It's where my mom took my dad to introduce him to the family when they got engaged. It's where my husband asked my parents for permission to marry me. It's where I can keep in touch with all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, 1st cousins once removed, etc. etc. It's a place to showcase talents - playing in a piano recital this week? Why don't you practice your piece in front of 50+ family members. There is always a good dose of politics, a good dose of religion, and a good dose of love at family gathering.
• She loves shoes. Not kidding on this one. Aunt Rosemary has a SHOE CLOSET. That's right - an ENTIRE CLOSET DEVOTED TO SHOES. She has the tiniest little Cinderella feet you have ever seen and she is a total bargain shopper. It isn't uncommon to see her sporting a fancy plaid rainbowish vest and then to look at her feet and see she has shoes that match perfectly in plaid rainbowishness. I think I am being lenient by saying she has over 200 pairs of shoes - I'm sure it's more.
• She loves bragging. Not of herself though - of everyone around her. If there is something you have accomplished she will be the first to announce it to the world. I knew I had hit the big time if I made it into one of Aunt Rosemary's weekly letters. She has a very wonderful way of making you feel important and special and good.
• She loves family. As I mentioned above, family gathering is a huge tradition for us. She is a brilliant thinker, performer, and overall philanthropist - yet she put it all on the back burner to help her husband and raise 8 children. And as it turns out - that was the most philanthropic thing she did!
• She is fussy. She is the first to tell you if your hair isn't right and the first to fix you if you shirt tag is sticking out. She'll have you straightened up in a snap but it isn't because she's obsessive that way - it's because she expects good things from you. She has always been good at treating people not as they are - but as they COULD BE. She recognizes potential and is adamant about helping others achieve it. A Christ-like quality indeed.
• She loves to talk. But not aimlessly. She always had something important or interesting or insightful to talk about when I visited her. Idle chatter was not her way - talking with her was always an enlightening experience for me.
• She loves friends. And she has MILLIONS OF THEM. She has a connection with virtually every person that has walked the earth since Adam - and she's not even on facebook! I remember once telling her about my favorite professor at BYU-I and how his father was the first black member of the church to receive the priesthood. Then she told me that she was good friends with him and he even stayed with them in their home for a week - WHUUUUT! You can't "one-up" Aunt Rosemary. If you've met someone important she's probably their BFF.
• She loves God. She has a personal relationship with and divine devotion to her Heavenly Father. Her testimony of the Savior Jesus Christ is also divine and personal. She was instrumental in helping me to serve a mission and for that I will be forever grateful.

My sweet Aunt Rosemary passed away yesterday, April 6, 2009. It couldn't have been a more fitting date. She was surrounded by family and loved ones. She left a legacy that cannot be duplicated - only emulated. She is home with her parents and other family members who have gone before. She is no longer plagued with the effects of cancer...and mortality. She is at rest. She is at peace. She is with God. We love you Aunt Rosemary and miss you dearly. God be with you till we meet again.

General Conference

WOW!

Is there any doubt that there is a prophet on the earth today who is lead by the Savior in moving His glorious work forward? Is there any doubt that there are men called by God to help in spreading the gospel across the world? Is there any doubt that Heavenly Father loves each and every one of His children and knows them so personally that He can speak through His prophets to each one of them bringing them answers and understanding and PEACE during their troubled times?

If there IS doubt then go HERE and watch General Conference again - you must have missed something.

Prayerfully listening to the words spoken by the prophet and his counselors has helped me to receive direct - and I mean DIRECT - answers to questions that have filled my heart since last October (which was the last General Conference). I know that anyone who listens to, watches, or reads the proceedings from this conference with an open mind and a prayer in their heart, seeking guidance, can have the exact same experience. It has never failed for me. There have been some conferences where I didn't put the preparation into it that I should have. I let it sneak up on me. And although I stopped to watch, and was significantly uplifted, it didn't have the same result as prayerfully preparing to be instructed by the Lord's servants.

I hope everyone else had the chance to partake of the wisdom and inspiration that flowed from General Conference this weekend. And if you didn't IT'S OKAY! Because you can watch it again on LDS.ORG. And if you have noisy kids like I do you can watch it one 10 minute talk at a time! You can read all the talks next month in the Ensign - and you can even download the whole thing to your ipod! HOW COOL IS THAT!?!

Here is a clip of President Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency from the conference proceedings (the Relief Society session) from last October.

Amazing.

So I'm going to take the counsel I received and get to work.

I'm going to start by creating - creating a smile. And go forward from there.

The Good Job Jar

Last year I was having trouble disciplining my 3 year old. Time outs were less effective, and tantrums were predictable at certain times of the day - breakfast time, nap time, clean-up time, dinner time, bath time, bed time - pretty much all day long there was a battle in progress. I remembered a book called "The Power of Positive Parenting". I haven't read it but my mom, the author/editor, had and told me about the concept. Children need attention. At this age they don't understand the difference between good attention and bad attention - they just want attention and they will do anything they need to do to get it. I realized that I wasn't giving Rachel enough positive attention through the day. I wasn't recognizing her for the good things she was doing - I was only recognizing the tantrums (which are hard not to recognize). As I lay in bed thinking one night (a regular activity of mine) I had an idea. I don't know if the idea is original - I'm sure it's not - but I don't know who made it up. I envisioned a big glass jar with a pretty bow filled up with colorful shiny glass rocks. What kid DOESN'T like a shiny, smooth, colorful rock? So the next day I put my vision into action. I retrieved a large canning jar from the depths of my cupboard and bought a couple of sacks of glass rocks from the store and a bucket full of prizes (small books and other assorted dollar store toys - reminiscent of the dentist office prize box). Then I made my jar with a pretty bow and lines on the jar. I explained to Rachel that every time she did something good, or performed a task without fussing about it, she would be able to put a rock in the jar. She caught on immediately and the thing was a MIRACLE! I had three different sizes of rocks - small ones for tasks like washing hands after using the toilet and brushing teeth before bed without crying; medium ones for sharing with her brother and eating all her dinner; and big ones for going to nursery without crying and cleaning her room. The change in my little girl was amazing, and maybe it was because there was a change in me too. All of a sudden I was more conscientious of the good things she was doing and I was excited to reward her for it. She was more interested in putting a "cooly rock" in the good job jar than she was in pitching a fit. The jar became a GREAT bargaining chip - - "Rachel if you will be reverent during sacrament meeting then when we get home you may put a great big cooly rock in the good job jar!" She really responded to that and would even stop tantrums in their tracks if I threatened to take away a cooly rock. I'm telling you - this thing WORKS!! As she would fill up the jar to a certain line she would receive a prize from the prize bucket. When the good job jar is filled up to the top she will get a BIG prize (which we have yet to determine).

Here we sit approximately 6 months after the beginning of the good job jar. Our sweet girl finished the year in nursery with no trouble and now she is the brave one in Sunbeams as most of the other 3 year olds around her are crying. She has no trouble with babysitters, or teeth brushing, or other things that were a constant battle. We've stopped awarding cooly rocks for things like hand washing but we still remember to give her props verbally. The jar is almost full and still stands as an excellent bargaining chip. Even Ben likes to contribute rocks to the jar although he doesn't understand the concept quite yet. Rachel has really blossomed and we as her parents have too!

Now if any of you have ideas on how to tame my 1 1/2 year old please share!

Why are moms the bad guys part 2

Yesterday I was giving the kids a bath. Rachel was playing with a rubber fish and shouting, "Flounder, Flounder come back!"

Me: "Rachel is your fishy's name Flounder?"

Rachel: "Yes and I'm Ariel. And Ben's Prince Eric!"

Me: "Oh cool!"

Rachel: "And you're the wicked Ursula, Mom."

Me: "Oh nice...thanks."

A little while ago Paul and Rachel were dancing in the livingroom. Rachel was wearing one of her assorted princess dresses and my high heels. She twirled and said, "Daddy I'm Cinderella and YOU are the handsome Prince Charming!"

Paul: "Okay! And who is Mommy?"

Rachel: "Mommy is the wicked Stepmother!"

Paul: "Alright!" snicker snicker giggle giggle

Me: "Can't I be the fairy godmother?"

Rachel: "No Mom! You have to be the wicked Stepmother! Quick Ben - it's the wicked Stepmother let's run away!"

Ben (running away with Rachel): AAHHHHH!

Am I doomed to be typecast as the wicked counterpart forever?!!!

WE DID IT!!! ...and then...

We didn't.

A few months ago I posted about a fitness challenge that my husband and I had embarked on - which really WAS a challenge -and...drumroll....WE DID IT!! We went 2 MONTHS without sugar, and we exercised 5 days a week. It was so awesome. It was so fulfilling. We did it and we did it together. I felt so energized physically and mentally. I felt like I had overcome some HUGE hurdle and it was empowering.

And then we tanked.

Yep. As soon as the calendar read MARCH we let the sugar flow. Now that it's not "against the rules" to eat sugar - we have let it back into our lives FULL FORCE! While on the sugar fast we would say things like, "I don't even miss it!" Now we are saying things like "OHHH look at those Krispy Kream Donuts! Remember when we couldn't eat those?! It's been so long - let's get double!

This is exactly why contestants on "Biggest Loser" gain it all back and more once the show is over and the prize money is dealt out. Game's over. It's no longer a contest. It's no longer against the "rules" to live that way.

That's when I realized that changing your life is a daily process. You can't "try it for a month" and hope to be changed. It takes a lot more. The trial process taught me that it's worth it, but now I need to change mentally and realize that a healthy body AND SPIRIT isn't just something you can choose once. You have to keep choosing it every day. I think that's the difference between having a TESTIMONY and being CONVERTED. I have a testimony that going without sugar makes my body feel really good. But I'm obviously not converted. So that got me to thinking...what ELSE in my life do I ONLY have a testimony of? It's a scary thing to think about. Upon introspection I have found there are a lot of areas of my life lacking TRUE CONVERSION. So I'm going to make a list of those things for myself and during General Conference this weekend I am going to pray and search for help in becoming converted to life - every single day.

April Fool's Cupcakes

My good friend Maralee brought these festive April Fool's treats to us. It was so cute I had to take a picture. They are "T.V. dinner cupcakes". As you can see there are 3 Chicken drumsticks, 1 serving of mashed potatoes, 1 serving of peas and carrots, and a chocolate dessert. SO CUTE!





Here's what Ben thought about all of this chocolate goodness...

If only all of us could find this kind of joy in the simple things in life!

YYYYEAH...ABOUT THAT...

Did I say (back in January) that I had picked up those 52 cards? Oh yeah...about that...I meant to say that I would get back to picking up those cards in April. Except that now evil viruses (not the computer kind) have attacked my family once again and I am plagued with Gatorade vomit, fevers of 104.9, ear infections, and finally (thank the pediatrician) plenty of ammoxacillin. Need drugs (of the pediatric fever reducing sort)? Come to the Gardners!

note: actually I would advise you stay away for a while unless you want to share the virus wealth.