29

If I was turning 23 I'd probably write down 23 reasons I love my life. If I was turning 24 I'd make a list of 24 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25. And if I was turning 25 I'd blog about all of the twists and turns life had taken me on in the last 25 years. But I'm not turning any of those. I'm not even turning 26, 27, or 28. Today I turned 29. 29. 29. That just sounds old. No it doesn't just sound old - it sounds boring. What do you DO when you turn 29? The tag line when people turn 16 is, "Hey! Gettin' that drivers license! Everyone stay off the sidewalks!" Hardee har har. When people turn 18 it's, "Hey you can VOTE now!" hooray for me. When it's 21 you're "legal" when it's 25 you're "established" but when it's 29?

"Yeah I just turned 29 today."
"Wow PUSHIN' 30 HUH?"

yep. pushin' 30.

I don't feel 30. I don't even feel 29. Well maybe my body does. My mother-in-law asked me on Sunday if I really was turning 29. No one believed me. I actually had to sit and think about it for a minute myself, "let me think...born in 1980, this year is 2009...YEP turning 29."

Maybe it's because I feel like I should have life more figured out than I do. I can't pull the "rookie" card anymore. I feel a little jipped because I thought becoming an adult was supposed to bring with it an infusion of magical hormones similar to when you hit puberty. But instead of changing your body it would change your brain and make things like paying bills on time and keeping your house clean a snap. "Discipline Hormones" or "Grown-up Hormones". Then people could just give you a pat on the back when you were struggling and say, "Don't worry - you're just a late bloomer! You'll hit grown-up puberty soon enough!" And instead of saying, "When you hit puberty we'll have to lock the doors to keep the boys away!" They'll say, "When you hit grown-up puberty we'll have to lock the doors to keep out Martha Stewart, Merry Maids, Betty Crocker, and Super Nanny from wanting to steal all of your successful secrets!"

Well truth be told - when I hit puberty in high school (and I was a LATE BLOOMER) I didn't have any boys knocking my door down.

And today - turning 29 - I don't think I'll see Martha Stewart either.

Since I don't have any inkling of "Grown-up super hormone" surging through my body to make me do amazing things I'll have to head back to the drawing board. I'll make a list. This list is a 2 part list. Birthday candle style. Since I don't want to make a list of 29 things - I'm making a list of 2 and 9. 2 things I hate about being 29, and 9 things I love about it- or hope to love about it in the next year.

Things I hate

1-Insomnia.
In high school I could sleep any time - any where. Unfortunately between getting up in the night with the kids, sleeping with one eye and two ears open all night, and working a grave yard shift once a week at the hospital - my sleep pattern is indefinately screwed up. Even on good nights - the kids sleep soundly, Paul doesn't snore, I don't have to work - I still wake up in the middle of the night and it takes me at least an hour to get back to sleep. Yet I don't dare take a sleeping pill because what if the kids DO wake up and I don't hear them. *sigh*
2-Sagginess.
Sags sags sags. Sags under the eyes. Sags under the chin. Relief society sags under the arms. A saggy deriere. Bearing children makes you saggy. Period.

Things I love and will look forward to.

Hmmmmmm. Thinking.....

I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Ode to Geebs

Dear FAB 8,

This is how I feel after every FAB 8 Golf Tournament. This year let's have a BBQ with the whole crew.



Affectionately Yours,
Nat

My Hobby?...

Have you ever been asked what your hobbies and interests are? I'm sure you have - in a job interview, in a relief society questionnaire, in a blog tag... I've been asked this question plenty of times.

My answers were different when I was in high school and college than they are now. In fact I don't even KNOW what my hobbies are now! Does changing diapers or doing dishes count? In high school and college my answers ranged from hiking and rappelling, to swimming and biking, to going to movies and being with friends.

Now? Hmmm...thinking....I have NO IDEA. Honestly. There have been periods in the last couple of years when I have really resented not having a past time. Paul will go golfing with the guys - which I love and totally support him in by the way - but then he'll come home and say something like, "Hey why don't you go get lost for a couple of hours and have some YOU time." Me time? What do I do with that? I mean don't get me wrong - I would LOVE to have some me time - but wandering around Wal-Mart for 2 hours isn't my idea of a hobby. Plus when the house is a disaster, the kids are screaming, I have a Young Women's lesson or a mutual activity to plan, or a million-and-a-half other things on the list of "to-do's" to accomplish I just can't justify "Me Time".

Then my sweet husband sent this quote to me today:

"Sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don't allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it." - M. Russell Ballard

Maybe I resent the fact that I really can't do all the things I did in high school anymore. I'm out of shape, out of energy, and not really willing to take the risks that I did when I was younger. I constantly think to myself, "how will this activity I'm doing today affect me tomorrow?" I can't afford to be laid up for weeks because I broke my legs trying to ski black diamonds, (just so you know I have NEVER been able to ski a black diamond - right Amy M.?) Maybe in that resentment I just resign myself to the fact that my "hobby" is my family. WHICH IT IS! Every spare moment is spent with my kids. Every bit of free time from the kids is spent with my husband. Every moment I have to clear my head - it fills right back up with thoughts of my family. I love it. It's what I want. They aren't just IN my life - they ARE my life and I wouldn't want it any other way. But after reading that quote - and having a few break-down's here and there over the past couple of years - I realize that it's unhealthy to be consumed like this. I need to refill the tank. I need balance. I need ME time. I just don't know what the heck to do with it.

So now I'm looking for help. What do YOU do with your "ME" time? It needs to be safe, inexpensive, and manageable - I'm in no position to train for a triathlon people. ANY IDEAS?!!!

Aunt Rosemary

My Aunt Rosemary is one of a kind. If you don't have an Aunt Rosemary you should get one. Here's why:

• She loves parties. She holds "family gathering" at her house every Sunday. Family gathering has been a tradition in my family for generations. It's where my mom took my dad to introduce him to the family when they got engaged. It's where my husband asked my parents for permission to marry me. It's where I can keep in touch with all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, 1st cousins once removed, etc. etc. It's a place to showcase talents - playing in a piano recital this week? Why don't you practice your piece in front of 50+ family members. There is always a good dose of politics, a good dose of religion, and a good dose of love at family gathering.
• She loves shoes. Not kidding on this one. Aunt Rosemary has a SHOE CLOSET. That's right - an ENTIRE CLOSET DEVOTED TO SHOES. She has the tiniest little Cinderella feet you have ever seen and she is a total bargain shopper. It isn't uncommon to see her sporting a fancy plaid rainbowish vest and then to look at her feet and see she has shoes that match perfectly in plaid rainbowishness. I think I am being lenient by saying she has over 200 pairs of shoes - I'm sure it's more.
• She loves bragging. Not of herself though - of everyone around her. If there is something you have accomplished she will be the first to announce it to the world. I knew I had hit the big time if I made it into one of Aunt Rosemary's weekly letters. She has a very wonderful way of making you feel important and special and good.
• She loves family. As I mentioned above, family gathering is a huge tradition for us. She is a brilliant thinker, performer, and overall philanthropist - yet she put it all on the back burner to help her husband and raise 8 children. And as it turns out - that was the most philanthropic thing she did!
• She is fussy. She is the first to tell you if your hair isn't right and the first to fix you if you shirt tag is sticking out. She'll have you straightened up in a snap but it isn't because she's obsessive that way - it's because she expects good things from you. She has always been good at treating people not as they are - but as they COULD BE. She recognizes potential and is adamant about helping others achieve it. A Christ-like quality indeed.
• She loves to talk. But not aimlessly. She always had something important or interesting or insightful to talk about when I visited her. Idle chatter was not her way - talking with her was always an enlightening experience for me.
• She loves friends. And she has MILLIONS OF THEM. She has a connection with virtually every person that has walked the earth since Adam - and she's not even on facebook! I remember once telling her about my favorite professor at BYU-I and how his father was the first black member of the church to receive the priesthood. Then she told me that she was good friends with him and he even stayed with them in their home for a week - WHUUUUT! You can't "one-up" Aunt Rosemary. If you've met someone important she's probably their BFF.
• She loves God. She has a personal relationship with and divine devotion to her Heavenly Father. Her testimony of the Savior Jesus Christ is also divine and personal. She was instrumental in helping me to serve a mission and for that I will be forever grateful.

My sweet Aunt Rosemary passed away yesterday, April 6, 2009. It couldn't have been a more fitting date. She was surrounded by family and loved ones. She left a legacy that cannot be duplicated - only emulated. She is home with her parents and other family members who have gone before. She is no longer plagued with the effects of cancer...and mortality. She is at rest. She is at peace. She is with God. We love you Aunt Rosemary and miss you dearly. God be with you till we meet again.

General Conference

WOW!

Is there any doubt that there is a prophet on the earth today who is lead by the Savior in moving His glorious work forward? Is there any doubt that there are men called by God to help in spreading the gospel across the world? Is there any doubt that Heavenly Father loves each and every one of His children and knows them so personally that He can speak through His prophets to each one of them bringing them answers and understanding and PEACE during their troubled times?

If there IS doubt then go HERE and watch General Conference again - you must have missed something.

Prayerfully listening to the words spoken by the prophet and his counselors has helped me to receive direct - and I mean DIRECT - answers to questions that have filled my heart since last October (which was the last General Conference). I know that anyone who listens to, watches, or reads the proceedings from this conference with an open mind and a prayer in their heart, seeking guidance, can have the exact same experience. It has never failed for me. There have been some conferences where I didn't put the preparation into it that I should have. I let it sneak up on me. And although I stopped to watch, and was significantly uplifted, it didn't have the same result as prayerfully preparing to be instructed by the Lord's servants.

I hope everyone else had the chance to partake of the wisdom and inspiration that flowed from General Conference this weekend. And if you didn't IT'S OKAY! Because you can watch it again on LDS.ORG. And if you have noisy kids like I do you can watch it one 10 minute talk at a time! You can read all the talks next month in the Ensign - and you can even download the whole thing to your ipod! HOW COOL IS THAT!?!

Here is a clip of President Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency from the conference proceedings (the Relief Society session) from last October.

Amazing.

So I'm going to take the counsel I received and get to work.

I'm going to start by creating - creating a smile. And go forward from there.

The Good Job Jar

Last year I was having trouble disciplining my 3 year old. Time outs were less effective, and tantrums were predictable at certain times of the day - breakfast time, nap time, clean-up time, dinner time, bath time, bed time - pretty much all day long there was a battle in progress. I remembered a book called "The Power of Positive Parenting". I haven't read it but my mom, the author/editor, had and told me about the concept. Children need attention. At this age they don't understand the difference between good attention and bad attention - they just want attention and they will do anything they need to do to get it. I realized that I wasn't giving Rachel enough positive attention through the day. I wasn't recognizing her for the good things she was doing - I was only recognizing the tantrums (which are hard not to recognize). As I lay in bed thinking one night (a regular activity of mine) I had an idea. I don't know if the idea is original - I'm sure it's not - but I don't know who made it up. I envisioned a big glass jar with a pretty bow filled up with colorful shiny glass rocks. What kid DOESN'T like a shiny, smooth, colorful rock? So the next day I put my vision into action. I retrieved a large canning jar from the depths of my cupboard and bought a couple of sacks of glass rocks from the store and a bucket full of prizes (small books and other assorted dollar store toys - reminiscent of the dentist office prize box). Then I made my jar with a pretty bow and lines on the jar. I explained to Rachel that every time she did something good, or performed a task without fussing about it, she would be able to put a rock in the jar. She caught on immediately and the thing was a MIRACLE! I had three different sizes of rocks - small ones for tasks like washing hands after using the toilet and brushing teeth before bed without crying; medium ones for sharing with her brother and eating all her dinner; and big ones for going to nursery without crying and cleaning her room. The change in my little girl was amazing, and maybe it was because there was a change in me too. All of a sudden I was more conscientious of the good things she was doing and I was excited to reward her for it. She was more interested in putting a "cooly rock" in the good job jar than she was in pitching a fit. The jar became a GREAT bargaining chip - - "Rachel if you will be reverent during sacrament meeting then when we get home you may put a great big cooly rock in the good job jar!" She really responded to that and would even stop tantrums in their tracks if I threatened to take away a cooly rock. I'm telling you - this thing WORKS!! As she would fill up the jar to a certain line she would receive a prize from the prize bucket. When the good job jar is filled up to the top she will get a BIG prize (which we have yet to determine).

Here we sit approximately 6 months after the beginning of the good job jar. Our sweet girl finished the year in nursery with no trouble and now she is the brave one in Sunbeams as most of the other 3 year olds around her are crying. She has no trouble with babysitters, or teeth brushing, or other things that were a constant battle. We've stopped awarding cooly rocks for things like hand washing but we still remember to give her props verbally. The jar is almost full and still stands as an excellent bargaining chip. Even Ben likes to contribute rocks to the jar although he doesn't understand the concept quite yet. Rachel has really blossomed and we as her parents have too!

Now if any of you have ideas on how to tame my 1 1/2 year old please share!

Why are moms the bad guys part 2

Yesterday I was giving the kids a bath. Rachel was playing with a rubber fish and shouting, "Flounder, Flounder come back!"

Me: "Rachel is your fishy's name Flounder?"

Rachel: "Yes and I'm Ariel. And Ben's Prince Eric!"

Me: "Oh cool!"

Rachel: "And you're the wicked Ursula, Mom."

Me: "Oh nice...thanks."

A little while ago Paul and Rachel were dancing in the livingroom. Rachel was wearing one of her assorted princess dresses and my high heels. She twirled and said, "Daddy I'm Cinderella and YOU are the handsome Prince Charming!"

Paul: "Okay! And who is Mommy?"

Rachel: "Mommy is the wicked Stepmother!"

Paul: "Alright!" snicker snicker giggle giggle

Me: "Can't I be the fairy godmother?"

Rachel: "No Mom! You have to be the wicked Stepmother! Quick Ben - it's the wicked Stepmother let's run away!"

Ben (running away with Rachel): AAHHHHH!

Am I doomed to be typecast as the wicked counterpart forever?!!!

WE DID IT!!! ...and then...

We didn't.

A few months ago I posted about a fitness challenge that my husband and I had embarked on - which really WAS a challenge -and...drumroll....WE DID IT!! We went 2 MONTHS without sugar, and we exercised 5 days a week. It was so awesome. It was so fulfilling. We did it and we did it together. I felt so energized physically and mentally. I felt like I had overcome some HUGE hurdle and it was empowering.

And then we tanked.

Yep. As soon as the calendar read MARCH we let the sugar flow. Now that it's not "against the rules" to eat sugar - we have let it back into our lives FULL FORCE! While on the sugar fast we would say things like, "I don't even miss it!" Now we are saying things like "OHHH look at those Krispy Kream Donuts! Remember when we couldn't eat those?! It's been so long - let's get double!

This is exactly why contestants on "Biggest Loser" gain it all back and more once the show is over and the prize money is dealt out. Game's over. It's no longer a contest. It's no longer against the "rules" to live that way.

That's when I realized that changing your life is a daily process. You can't "try it for a month" and hope to be changed. It takes a lot more. The trial process taught me that it's worth it, but now I need to change mentally and realize that a healthy body AND SPIRIT isn't just something you can choose once. You have to keep choosing it every day. I think that's the difference between having a TESTIMONY and being CONVERTED. I have a testimony that going without sugar makes my body feel really good. But I'm obviously not converted. So that got me to thinking...what ELSE in my life do I ONLY have a testimony of? It's a scary thing to think about. Upon introspection I have found there are a lot of areas of my life lacking TRUE CONVERSION. So I'm going to make a list of those things for myself and during General Conference this weekend I am going to pray and search for help in becoming converted to life - every single day.

April Fool's Cupcakes

My good friend Maralee brought these festive April Fool's treats to us. It was so cute I had to take a picture. They are "T.V. dinner cupcakes". As you can see there are 3 Chicken drumsticks, 1 serving of mashed potatoes, 1 serving of peas and carrots, and a chocolate dessert. SO CUTE!





Here's what Ben thought about all of this chocolate goodness...

If only all of us could find this kind of joy in the simple things in life!

YYYYEAH...ABOUT THAT...

Did I say (back in January) that I had picked up those 52 cards? Oh yeah...about that...I meant to say that I would get back to picking up those cards in April. Except that now evil viruses (not the computer kind) have attacked my family once again and I am plagued with Gatorade vomit, fevers of 104.9, ear infections, and finally (thank the pediatrician) plenty of ammoxacillin. Need drugs (of the pediatric fever reducing sort)? Come to the Gardners!

note: actually I would advise you stay away for a while unless you want to share the virus wealth.