The Good Job Jar

Last year I was having trouble disciplining my 3 year old. Time outs were less effective, and tantrums were predictable at certain times of the day - breakfast time, nap time, clean-up time, dinner time, bath time, bed time - pretty much all day long there was a battle in progress. I remembered a book called "The Power of Positive Parenting". I haven't read it but my mom, the author/editor, had and told me about the concept. Children need attention. At this age they don't understand the difference between good attention and bad attention - they just want attention and they will do anything they need to do to get it. I realized that I wasn't giving Rachel enough positive attention through the day. I wasn't recognizing her for the good things she was doing - I was only recognizing the tantrums (which are hard not to recognize). As I lay in bed thinking one night (a regular activity of mine) I had an idea. I don't know if the idea is original - I'm sure it's not - but I don't know who made it up. I envisioned a big glass jar with a pretty bow filled up with colorful shiny glass rocks. What kid DOESN'T like a shiny, smooth, colorful rock? So the next day I put my vision into action. I retrieved a large canning jar from the depths of my cupboard and bought a couple of sacks of glass rocks from the store and a bucket full of prizes (small books and other assorted dollar store toys - reminiscent of the dentist office prize box). Then I made my jar with a pretty bow and lines on the jar. I explained to Rachel that every time she did something good, or performed a task without fussing about it, she would be able to put a rock in the jar. She caught on immediately and the thing was a MIRACLE! I had three different sizes of rocks - small ones for tasks like washing hands after using the toilet and brushing teeth before bed without crying; medium ones for sharing with her brother and eating all her dinner; and big ones for going to nursery without crying and cleaning her room. The change in my little girl was amazing, and maybe it was because there was a change in me too. All of a sudden I was more conscientious of the good things she was doing and I was excited to reward her for it. She was more interested in putting a "cooly rock" in the good job jar than she was in pitching a fit. The jar became a GREAT bargaining chip - - "Rachel if you will be reverent during sacrament meeting then when we get home you may put a great big cooly rock in the good job jar!" She really responded to that and would even stop tantrums in their tracks if I threatened to take away a cooly rock. I'm telling you - this thing WORKS!! As she would fill up the jar to a certain line she would receive a prize from the prize bucket. When the good job jar is filled up to the top she will get a BIG prize (which we have yet to determine).

Here we sit approximately 6 months after the beginning of the good job jar. Our sweet girl finished the year in nursery with no trouble and now she is the brave one in Sunbeams as most of the other 3 year olds around her are crying. She has no trouble with babysitters, or teeth brushing, or other things that were a constant battle. We've stopped awarding cooly rocks for things like hand washing but we still remember to give her props verbally. The jar is almost full and still stands as an excellent bargaining chip. Even Ben likes to contribute rocks to the jar although he doesn't understand the concept quite yet. Rachel has really blossomed and we as her parents have too!

Now if any of you have ideas on how to tame my 1 1/2 year old please share!