List of 9 #6 - I will be more HONEST with MYSELF.

During my stint in nursing school I had an assignment to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting as part of my public health class.

It was there that I learned how empowering being honest with yourself can be.

You all know the standard phrase spoken at these meetings. "Hello, I'm ____ and I'm an alcoholic." This phrase has been the punchline of many jokes at many nightclubs and so I didn't think anything of it. It seemed to just be the thing you have to say in order to attend the meeting - it didn't hold much meaning for me. I even chuckled a little at the thought of being there and seeing it in person.

Then I went and saw.

"Hello,...my name is Jeff....and um....I'm an alcoholic."

The man was very sincere. It was as if admitting that was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. He was finally being honest with himself. And as hard as it was, and as much as I could feel his heart breaking into a million pieces with that self affirmation - it was empowering. It was like pulling a huge splinter out of a sore tender wound. It's the hardest part but you can't fix the problem until it's done.

If being HONEST with yourself can bring that kind of empowerment and relief and HELP to someone who struggles with alcoholism, imagine what it can do for everyone!

So this year I am going to work on being more honest with myself. Here we go:

Q-Am I late to meetings and church and work because of my husband and kids?

A-NO. I am late because I seriously lack a good healthy CONCEPT OF TIME. I still think it only takes me 30-45 minutes to get ready for the day - get real it took me that long when I was SINGLE. NOW I HAVE 2 KIDS! DO THE MATH!!

Every time I am late I make someone else wait. I make others feel like my time is more important than theirs. I disrupt whatever is going on and make other's schedules revolve around mine. I need to stop trying to do "just one more thing" or pack "just one more book" or call "just one more person" before appointments. AND I need to GET REAL. I can't be everywhere doing EVERYTHING. I need to learn to say "No" instead of trying to pretend I'm super woman with the ability to transport myself and my family to Salt Lake in an hour (that "I'm sorry" is for you, Mom).

Q-Is my house always messy because of my kids?

A- NO. I am not a very organized person myself so when I only have myself to worry about it's still an issue. Having kids has made it a BIGGER issue but it's because I don't give them enough credit. My kids are PERFECTLY CAPABLE of helping with chores. Sure they are too young to do the laundry but they CAN put their clothes into baskets. They CAN pick up their toys. They CAN carry their dishes to the sink. I just need to work harder at disciplining them - AND MYSELF - to learn these behaviors.

Being honest hurts. But it's how you get to the root of the problem so you can start fixing it. As I was struggling with discouragement at all of these "honesty moments" my sweet husband gave me this quote (how he comes up with this stuff I will never know).

"We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil’s dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, remembering that when conscience calls to us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon." -Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign Nov.1976

Heavenly Father is beckoning to me - recognizing my potential and showing me what I can really achieve if I so choose. He sent HIS SON to be the PERFECT PHYSICIAN to help extract my painful imperfections and replace them with HIMSELF. I will think of that next time I take the sacrament.

This is very liberating. Okay one more.

Q-Do I let my son do this because I want him to express his artistic creativity or because I want a cute picture for my blog?

A-I plead the 5th.

note: Don't worry - it's non-toxic. Gotta love Crayola.